Need More

ex
plo
sion
s
that leave me more empty
and craving more

mmmmm #4

pilfer my mind
and seek out my mouth
I'm forgetting your name already
make me remember with your fingers

confession II

it's not something you can cure me of
the perfect addiction
can't survive without it
now can we?

but I always forget to remind myself
if you obsess
you worship
and really,
I shouldn't be eating gods

confession I

you just can't understand
or maybe you can
would you suspect me of this
but please,
let's not get distracted

confidence or aggression

all I ask
is that you never be afraid
and you make sure
to take exactly what it is you want
whenever you want.

One Year Ago

don't we all fall for the bastard
with the good looks
big hands
dark hair
eyes that smoulder
promising to burn if you get too close

[4]

you called me sweetie
and it just felt right

teehee

dare you to if you seek amy
purdy please?

time

oh time
where have you gone
I cracked open the hourglass
sifted through the sands of time
and paid no attention to what slipped through my fingers

mmmmm #3

so close to only twelve more days
I can curl my toes and almost be there

unbelievable

this is ridiculous
I shouldn't want you so badly
so much
I can't stop replaying old memories
new ones
little ones that only involved a simple touch
and the last one where my stomach swooped away from me
and my head followed it up into the clouds

The Trouble With Emails

emails were not to be saved
and read over and over and over
over over over
but I can't help myself

mmmmm #2

I would like to learn to love to kiss you
but you must give me a chance to do so

Gush

this will be called gush
and it is
a gush
an outpouring of all things trivial
that sweep through my brain
and leave it messyclumsy
it will go on and on
neverendlingly
there is much to say
and little time to say it:
sweet nothings whispered by a stranger
(who I'd like to get to know better)
chaste kisses from a friend
and a decision tainted by confusion
things that stay on my mind
swirling in melodies he played for me
eyes captured as notes poured through my ears
into my heart
alas, all I can think about,
exposed amidst ramblings
that turned out not to be much of a gushing of things
more like the mumbles that tumble
clumsy and wonderful
from a lover's mouth

did I distract you from the truth?

Hurry Home

I wish you would come back
now
sooner than soon
faster than the fast you promised me when you said you would hurry
because I miss you something awful
something that calls out and shakes me
telling me not to let you get away
not to leave this hanging
off the same cliff its been desperately clutching at for two years,
reaching out, pleadinglingy
I was never allowed to reach back
but I always wanted to
now that I can, we're both unsure of what to do
at least I was, until you were whisked away
and there wasn't even the reassurance of the fingers
gripping at the edge
futile but always there.
Hurry home and
I know that as soon as I can,
I will be holding on tight to those fingers.

mmmmm

I would kill to have to you myself
have you seduced and willing
and not afraid of your desire

Bach Suite No. 1 in G Major: A prelude?

I could just sink into this melody
maybe your arms too.

Reflections

Something about the way I purged the past
onto white lined sheets now disturbs me.
For what sick and tortured being was I,
someone, something, an unevolved beast
who merely considered evolution,
then tossed it away as unnecessary.

Someday, sometime soon,
I will purge myself of the purgings,
maybe freeing myself finally
by obliterating completely the beast within,
burning it alive and smudging the trash with its ashes.

A Thank You

you just cannot understand
in the slightest
how much your simple kindness
means to me.

I watched friends turn their heads,
and mere acquiantances become the arms I fell into
when I wasn't strong enough to stand on my own anymore
because the world weighed as much as a blackhole
and existed to me as nothing more.

thank you,
neverendingly
for everything
but mostly just for you
you, you and you

Sorting Through My Email..and Uncovering Ugly Pasts

I thought

for so long
that having you back
would be more than
this weak whisper of the past.

I prayed
for so long
that you would be there
and you would understand,
and guide me.

I had hoped
for so long
you had stepped away from the ledge,
that you were stable now,
and you'd show me how to get there
and maybe hold me when I did.

But it's not,
and I wish for
right now is
that you'd take the knife
out of my hands.

love thyself

thank god
(or whatever the fuck is out there)
that I don't need you
as much as I thought I did